The Truths of Apartment Hunting

Seeing as my lease is up at the end of February, I've had my face glued to Craigslist searching for the perfect one bedroom apartment under $800 a month that's in an area where being held at gun point isn't a potential issue. I think it's pretty standard to look at about 27 dud apartments before you find the right one, but I've found a few pointers to at least help weed out the ones that are a complete waste of time.

For starters, ads with the words cozy, delightful, darling, quaint, charming, and adorable are to be avoided. This is code for "300 square feet of closet space, and we're trying to pass it off as a studio." The words"vintage" and "retro" can sometimes mean artsy and unique, but they can also imply that the kitchen appliances haven't been updated since 1973.

I never bother viewing a place that doesn't have a picture. If the landlord doesn't post a photo then they have to be hiding some sort of cockroach infestation or irreparable water damage.

Avoid apartment finding services until you're so sick of searching you could vomit. Because they work on commission, they'll try to pressure you to find an apartment and sign a lease that day-- which is fine if you're on a tight deadline, but obnoxious if you're looking to take your time. It's stupid to sign a year-long lease on a place you don't love just so the realtor can make 50 bucks.

If you see an apartment posting that's listed 30 times in one day or has been on the market for over two weeks, there's probably some big reason why no one is biting. Like maybe it's haunted or the guys downstairs host weekly beer-pong tournaments. Either possibility is equally frightening.

Lastly, if you go to check out a place you find online, be sure to write down the information that was listed on the ad. You don't want the landlord be all, "Free heat? Nope, no one ever said anything about free heat." The listing said heat was included, damnit!