The Truths of Apartment Hunting

Seeing as my lease is up at the end of February, I've had my face glued to Craigslist searching for the perfect one bedroom apartment under $800 a month that's in an area where being held at gun point isn't a potential issue. I think it's pretty standard to look at about 27 dud apartments before you find the right one, but I've found a few pointers to at least help weed out the ones that are a complete waste of time.

For starters, ads with the words cozy, delightful, darling, quaint, charming, and adorable are to be avoided. This is code for "300 square feet of closet space, and we're trying to pass it off as a studio." The words"vintage" and "retro" can sometimes mean artsy and unique, but they can also imply that the kitchen appliances haven't been updated since 1973.

I never bother viewing a place that doesn't have a picture. If the landlord doesn't post a photo then they have to be hiding some sort of cockroach infestation or irreparable water damage.

Avoid apartment finding services until you're so sick of searching you could vomit. Because they work on commission, they'll try to pressure you to find an apartment and sign a lease that day-- which is fine if you're on a tight deadline, but obnoxious if you're looking to take your time. It's stupid to sign a year-long lease on a place you don't love just so the realtor can make 50 bucks.

If you see an apartment posting that's listed 30 times in one day or has been on the market for over two weeks, there's probably some big reason why no one is biting. Like maybe it's haunted or the guys downstairs host weekly beer-pong tournaments. Either possibility is equally frightening.

Lastly, if you go to check out a place you find online, be sure to write down the information that was listed on the ad. You don't want the landlord be all, "Free heat? Nope, no one ever said anything about free heat." The listing said heat was included, damnit!

What they don't tell you about International air travel

Thanks to Al-Qa'ida, the US government has us all terrified that transatlantic flight is only safe given four hours of pre-boarding security measures (because you might be hiding explosives in your flip flops) and protective head gear for all economy passengers (first class passengers actually get parachutes, but only if they use 10,000 frequent flyer miles.)

The truth is, shoe bombers are the least of your worries when flying abroad. Your main concern should be whether or not you're going to be placed within a 5-seat radius of a screaming infant and whether or not that screaming infant's parents have enough Benadryl to keep it comatose for all nine hours of the flight.
If you have the blessed opportunity to pick your seating assignment at check-in, I suggest staying as close to the front of the plane as possible. The back of the plane is reserved for families traveling with small children and budget-conscious saps like myself who got their tickets using Expedia.com

Your other concern should be how frequent and of what quality the airline is going to feed you. Expect all meals flying from the US to consist of microwaved and lightly salted rubber patties with a side of soggy, canned spinach. Flying home from abroad won't be a tremendous improvement, but at least your meals are likely to have some sense of taste. Experience has lead me to discover the perfect mid-flight snack to pack from home: Chex Mix with M&Ms thrown in. Sweet and salty all in one bag. You'll be amazed at how feeling satiated will make watching Ice Age 3 with broken head phones seem almost enjoyable.

If you're really lucky, the airline will provide one of those little goody bags filled with a travel-sized toothbrush, earphones, polyester socks, and a sleeping mask. And they say nothing is free.