What you don't know about the new CTA cuts, and how it will F*$% you over

You've heard the buzz about CTA budget cuts for a while now, but here are the stone cold facts about Chicago's public transit system getting effed in the A.

1,100 CTA employees are being laid off. That means 1,100 more panhandlers asking you for change on your daily commute.

Starting today, bus service will be less frequent on 119 routes. Frequency of service is also being cut back on all train lines except the Skokie Swift. So bundle up because you're gonna be waiting a looong time. Then when a bus or train finally does show, expect to be riding cheek to cheek in a jam-packed cattle car.

Hours of operation for 41 bus routes will start later or end earlier in the day. I'm not sure how the drunkies in Wrigleyville will get home at 3am... oh wait, yes. Drunk driving-- problem solved.

Nine express buses are being eliminated, which is probably the smallest sacrifice because it's not like any of them were faster than the regular buses to begin with.

But rest assured, Chicagoans, these sacrifices have been made in order to avoid raising bus and train fares yet again. So feel at ease knowing that you're not paying a single cent more than before... just for half the service.